Dealing With Loss - contributed by Brenda Baker-Jackson

Each of us approach loss in different ways. As a type A personality, I approach any emergency as a need for action. I need a plan to cope. If there is no plan, I feel totally lost and adrift. Thus is my story on learning of the loss of my great nephew…

Upon receiving the news of the death of Brody, I immediately began thinking of how I could honor him, this little one whose life was cut so short. As a gardener, the first thing I considered was planting. What better way to remember Brody than planting a tree, something that is lasting and will be a monument for his life. Luckily, the Heard Natural Science Museum was having their native Texas plant sale and I remembered seeing several Texas Persimmons during my Friday evening visit. With that plan in mind, I called my brother (the grandfather) and let him know that I was going to purchase two trees, one for me to plant in Dallas and one for him to plant in the Austin area.

That thought didn’t take long and I found myself, once again, needing a plan. As a side note, I feel it is important to note that my mother had not yet been told of the death of her youngest great grandchild, so I felt it important that she be included in the remembrance of Brody, even though she didn’t yet know. Being the keeper of several of her various craft/sewing projects, my mind began thinking that a baby quilt needed to be made. My thought being that the quilt could be buried with Brody and a piece of his great grandmother would always be with him.

I felt trepidation in approaching my niece (the mother) about this, not knowing how she would respond. Additionally, I didn’t know what to say to her about the loss. I would try to put myself in her place and found that I just couldn’t even begin to grasp the immense pain that she and her husband were going through. When I finally worked up the courage to call my niece, the first words that came out of my mouth were, “I don’t know what to say.” I proposed the making of a quilt and it being buried with Brody and she said she would like that. Never having made a quilt before, I began the project. It helped me to get through that Sunday evening because I now had an assignment - something that I could plan for and take action on.

The quilt is far from perfect and I know that is not the point. There was love and thought put into this quilt.


The top row of the quilt contains three little boy/girl quilt blocks that my mother had done. The top row is significant, as the middle block represents Brody, with his older brother, Brooks, and his older sister, Breanne, keeping him company.

Three of the blocks I included are recycled from a quilt that my own grandmother made (the star blocks). The butterfly block and heart embroidered blocks were made by my mother.

As I already stated, even though there are mistakes in the construction of this quilt, I must say that I felt another force was helping me put this quilt together. My mother’s best friend, Viola Snyder, was an avid quilter and passed away this last January. I can definitely say that I felt Viola was looking over my shoulder and assisting me in the construction of the quilt. I just know that I could not have assembled this quilt in the time it took (it took me around 3 ½ hours) if I had not had assistance.

The quilt was delivered on Monday, April 14 during the evening visitation. I took a variety of markers and the funeral home set-up a table to display the quilt and allow everyone the opportunity to leave their thoughts and wishes for Brody. Breanne and Brooks both had time to personalize their blocks. Brooks colored his block in the typical 3 year old fashion while Breanne spent quite a bit of time decorating her block with rainbows and a picture of her and her mom visiting Brody. It was all very humbling.

My project was fully completed when, at the graveside service, the quilt was draped over the small casket. The quilt will permanently be with Brody and he will always have a piece of my mother, a piece of me, and (I strongly believe) a piece of Viola watching over him. My only wish is that when it comes time to join Brody, Viola, and all the family members that I have lost, that Viola doesn’t criticize my quilt attempt too much!


Now, I am back to not having a plan, but feel a certain contentment and peace that I am protecting Brody and was able to have my Mom participate in the service.

Brody, we love you and will miss you for the rest of our lives. As your Great Uncle James wrote on the quilt, “Wait for us on the hill.”

Great Aunt Brenda